It’s really hard for me to write today. I had sort of a disagreement with someone in my personal life. And it’s really making me realize how getting in our “feelings” can really cloud our judgement. Something that can be so minuscule can be interpreted as an attack, and create a mountain out of a molehill. I want to quote Eminem and say, “I’m gonna make a molehill out of you!” But seriously. When someone makes a situation with you bigger than it has to be because they are going through something difficult, and are taking that out on you, have enough wisdom to recognize that and not take it so personally. Communicate with them but also don’t get involved in the drama of their emotions. Let the dust settle, and get back to them later, all while still letting them know you love them.
Because, you know what? We’ve all been there. We’ve all taken things out on the wrong person, or reacted strongly to an event that may have had nothing to do with why we were actually upset. I definitely have, plenty of times. I would get caught up in the emotion of the drama and make it my own and take things personally. All. Of. The. Time. But at this point in my life, I’m learning I’m not responsible for other people’s emotions. I’m not even responsible for the emotions they may have about me. This in turn has made me more patient and even more capable of loving people who hurt me, because I know it’s not all about me.
I have some part in the disagreement, but I can only take responsibility for that. The rest is not up to me. This realization is SO freeing for someone who used to stress for weeks over any little imagined or mistaken offense I thought I made to someone. I would obsess about how they would now view me as this terrible person, when it wasn’t my intention at all. I used to be so worried about people thinking ill of me because I wanted them to know my heart. I came to recognize that if I wanted people to know my heart in situations where I had mistakenly or purposely offended them, then I also had to recognize other people’s hearts when they had mistakenly or purposely offended me.
The Bible says that the extent that you forgive others, is the extent that you will be forgiven (Matt. 6:14). We should all try to live by this because none of us are immune to slighting others, and we all deserve a pass once in a while. We are all going through everyday difficult things, it would be a mistake to think that our problems are worse or more important than other people’s (excluding cancer, starvation, etc.).
In short, we are not all going to get along all of the time, and that’s okay. We are all separate people with difference in opinions, etc. So, when conflicts do arise, we must have the wisdom and accountability for our part in it, and at the same time not allow ourselves to get caught up in that other person’s part in the matter. At the end of the day, it’s really not personal. We should give up to God what we have no control over and then MOVE ON. Life is too short to live with any anger or discord.
“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” – Matthew 5:9 NLT
Letters To A King 